That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
