I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
