I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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