I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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