Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
