I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
