Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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