I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
