my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Everything about him screamed your future.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
