i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
they need to just BURY HIM!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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