I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
