felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
