Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
