You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
