I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize