It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
