So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
