He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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