She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
