Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
