Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
