I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
