I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
