haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
