Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
