He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
