In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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