I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
