so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
false alarm, still single
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
