Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
