She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
