I'm lost and stupid without you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
