My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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