I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
