there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a search helicopter?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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