do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
