some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
