Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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