I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My bed smells like the plague
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