Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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