my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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