Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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