I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
