speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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