Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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