wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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