when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
