dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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