Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
