I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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