theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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