Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
