We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
