honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
