I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Farmville is her only friend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
