Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
