Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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