im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
