it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
