I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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