wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
