Me too!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
