I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
