i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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