WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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