My room smells like vodka and shame
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
