This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
