I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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