For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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