maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
