WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
