Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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