Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
