My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
