My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
