Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
