HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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